December is winding down and it always brings mixed emotions. The first feeling is the decided weariness of the year and this one seemed to feel like it was measured in dog years. Between the jaw dropping political stunts and the sheer audacity of elected officials, it’s been a rollercoaster in a ball bearing hurricane. I don’t think any of us have left the silly season of the midterms unscathed.

The second feeling is a bit of dread for the upcoming year. Waiting for other shoes to drop, as well as the long trudge uphill. Most of my close family passed away in the months between the New Year and Spring. I’ve mostly regained my feet over that (not without a lot of work in therapy and EMDR,) but I still feel gun shy. This is all tempered with the anticipation of new roads, new people, and new experiences; the energy of which makes me want to surge forth and explore it all.

The last feeling is one of losing old shells. The last four years has forced me to face a lot of what I wasn’t willing and do a lot of heavy lifting on personal change. I’m starting to bump against things that used to be central to my life and now have moved to the periphery. Some things don’t even suit me any longer, and I am starting to discard those chunks, as I come to realize they are just dead weight that is not required.

For now, the bike is in snooze mode, and I am finally walking again, (but not without further physical therapy.) I feel like it’s time to retool and generate something new from the ashes of the old.